Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love

At the core of Levine and Heller’s observations lie the three primary attachment styles outlined in attachment theory: secure, anxious, and avoidant. The authors assert that recognizing one’s own attachment style is the foundation for understanding personal interactions and building healthier relationships. Because the book is designed for everyday applications, it offers self-assessment tools and detailed behavioral profiles to help readers understand their own emotional patterns and relational tendencies. Because romantic partners who do not understand each other’s attachment styles can encounter relationship-ending conflicts and miscommunications, the authors hope to guide individuals in selecting compatible partners, avoiding recurring pitfalls, and developing better strategies for emotional regulation. For instance, someone with an anxious attachment style might learn to resist protest behaviors like excessive texting or emotional withdrawal and instead focus on encouraging direct communication. This dynamic is especially relevant in contexts such as therapy, coaching, and dating, where an accurate understanding of attachment patterns can provide greater clarity and prevent misunderstandings.

One of the book’s core arguments is that emotional dependency, when met within a secure partnership, enhances autonomy rather than diminishing it. This assertion runs counter to mainstream dating advice, which tends to condemn emotional dependency entirely.