How To Talk To Anyone

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care…about them.”

This quote uses chiasmus to create a balanced structure. By reversing “know” and “care,” it highlights the contrast between knowledge and emotional connection. The ellipsis adds dramatic weight to the phrase “about them,” underlining humans’ self-serving nature.

“When you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them.”

This quote also employs chiasmus, a form of parallelism, to create a balanced structure. By mirroring the phrases “act as though you like someone” and “start to really like them,” it emphasizes the psychological principle it seeks to illustrate.

“You see, small talk is not about facts or words. It’s about music, about melody. Small talk is about putting people at ease. It’s about making comforting noises together like cats purring, children humming, or groups chanting. You must first match your listener’s mood.”

This quote employs metaphor (“It’s about…”) and simile (“like cats purring…”) to elevate the concept of “small talk” from mere conversation to a musical or even spiritual experience. Polysyndeton is also present in the series “cats purring, children humming, or groups chanting,” providing a sense of abundance.

“How do you put people at ease? By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar. When you do that, you break down walls of fear, suspicion, and mistrust.”

This quote uses questions and directives—“How do you put people at ease?” and “By convincing them they are OK”—to engage and guide. This imperative tone creates a sense of urgency, emphasizing the importance of the actions being discussed. The use of “OK” also employs colloquialism, simplifying a complex psychological state into everyday language, making the concept accessible.

“Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or unpleasant.”

This quote employs parallel structure to emphasize the types of speech that should be avoided—“complaining,” “rude,” and “unpleasant.” This structure creates rhythm and a sense of completion to the advice given.

“You wouldn’t dream of going to a party naked. And I hope you wouldn’t dream of letting your conversation be exposed naked and defenseless against the two inevitable assaults ‘Where are you from?’ and ‘What do you do?’”

This quote employs metaphor, likening an exposed conversation to being “naked” at a party. The metaphor dramatizes the vulnerability one might feel when unprepared for common conversational topics.

“Third only to death and taxes is the assurance a new acquaintance will soon chirp, ‘And what do you do?’”

This quote employs hyperbole by placing the common question “And what do you do?” in a category of certainties that include death and taxes. This exaggeration highlights the ubiquity of the question in social situations, making it existential.

“No matter how elusive the clue, Sherlock Holmes is confident he’ll soon be staring right at it through his magnifying glass. Like the unerring detective, big winners know, no matter how elusive the clue, they’ll find the right topic. How? They become word detectives.”

This quote employs analogy by likening “big winners” to the iconic detective Sherlock Holmes. This analogy elevates the importance of attention to detail and social awareness, skills that are valuable in solving mysteries and social interactions. The analogy also lends an air of excitement and urgency to what might otherwise be considered a mundane skill—the ability to choose the right topic for conversation.

“One word of warning: make sure the story you request is one in which the teller shines. No one wants to retell the time they lost the sale, cracked up the car, or broke up the bar and spent the night in jail. Make sure your requested Encore! is a positive story where they come out the big winner, not the buffoon.”

The contrast between the “big winner” and the “buffoon” exemplifies antithesis, setting up two extremes to emphasize the importance of encouraging positive storytelling. This antithesis not only clarifies the argument but imbues it with a sense of urgency, stressing the consequences of poor story selection.

“The best way to ensure you’re conversationally in the swing of things is to listen to a newscast just before you leave. What’s happening right now in the world—all the fires, floods, air disasters, toppled governments, and stock market crashes—pulverizes into great conversational fodder, no matter what crowd you’re circulating in.”

The metaphor “conversationally in the swing of things” likens being well-informed to a physical rhythm or flow, suggesting that having current knowledge is akin to dancing. This metaphor paints a picture of ease and fluency in social interactions. The phrase “pulverizes into great conversational fodder” employs vivid language to signify the transformation of global events into useful pieces of information for engaging conversation.

“Did you ever hear someone try to say a word that was just too darn big for his tongue? By the smile on the speaker’s face and the gleam in his eye as the word limped off his lips, you knew he was really proud of it.”

This quote employs metaphor to encapsulate the awkwardness and difficulty of using complex language incorrectly. Here, words are figuratively described as physical objects too cumbersome for one’s tongue to handle, capturing the pretentiousness of misusing language. “As the word limped off his lips” makes use of personification, casting the misused word as an entity capable of “limping.”

“Suppose you’ve been at a party and it was wonderful. Don’t tell the hosts it was wonderful. Everybody says that. Tell them it was a splendid party, a superb party, an extraordinary party.”

The repetition of “party” draws attention to the accompanying, less common adjectives (“splendid,” “superb,” and “extraordinary”). Each adjective escalates in intensity, adding dramatic flair to one’s expression of enjoyment.

“Tigers prowl with tigers; lions lurk with lions; and little alley cats scramble around with other little alley cats. Similarity breeds attraction.”

This quote employs metaphorical language to frame social attraction as based on similarity. By comparing people to different species of cats—tigers, lions, and alley cats—the quote dramatizes the natural inclination of like-minded individuals to group together. It concludes with an aphorism, summarizing its argument in a succinct manner.

“One of the quickest ways to make a big winner think you are, well, a jerk, is to use a cliché. If you’re chatting with a top communicator and even innocently remark ‘Yes, I was tired as a dog,’ or ‘She was cute as a button,’ you’ve unknowingly laid a linguistic bomb.”

This quote employs vivid imagery and metaphor to caution against the use of clichés. Describing this overuse as “laying a linguistic bomb” dramatically heightens its risk.

“Big winners know how to give bad news to people. They also know how not to give any news to anyone, even when people are pressuring them.”

This quote employs paradox to highlight the nuanced skills associated with effective communication. While knowing how to give bad news suggests directness, doing the opposite implies restraint, subtlety. Placed together, these conflicting ideas accentuate the complexities of social interactions and underscore the versatility needed to navigate them.

“Has it ever happened to you? Everyone at the party is speaking gobbledygook. They’re all discussing faulty audits, code constraints, or the library market—and you have no idea what they’re talking about. It’s because everybody at the party is an accountant, an architect, or a publisher—and you’re not.”

The question “Has it ever happened to you?” is a rhetorical device that engages empathy and understanding through a universal, albeit uncomfortable, experience. The term “gobbledygook” is an example of colloquial language and onomatopoeia, capturing the feeling of being out of one’s depth with comedy.

“Never underestimate human ingenuity when it comes to getting what you want. Many people expand the adage, ‘All’s fair in love and war’ to ‘All is fair in love, war, and buying what I want.’”

The phrase “Never underestimate human ingenuity” is an aphoristic statement, a concise observation about the cunning of human behavior. It functions as a hook, drawing attention to the adage that follows. The inclusion of the well-known “All’s fair in love and war” is an example of intertextuality, as the saying anchors and provides context for the quote’s argument.

“Phil has no idea. It’s not his fault. He’s male. Men are especially guilty of the not-really-listening umm habit.”

“Phil” is a synecdoche, a part representing a whole—in this case, men. However, “It’s not his fault” tempers the accusation. This stereotyping of men as bad listeners is used for rhetorical effect, at the cost of nuance.

“By just eavesdropping for a few moments on any two people chatting, you could tell a lot about their relationship. You could tell if they were new acquaintances or old friends. You could tell whether a man and a woman were strangers or a couple.”

The repetition of “you could tell” is an example of anaphora. This literary device emphasizes the idea that relationships can be easily discerned from conversation. Repetition also creates a rhythmic flow, making the information more memorable.

“The risk in giving a compliment face-to-face is, of course, that the distrustful receiver will assume you are indulging in shameless, obsequious pandering to achieve your own greedy goals.”

This quote employs adjectives and phrases like “distrustful receiver,” “obsequious pandering,” and “greedy goals” to underscore the potential hazards of giving compliments. The ending alliteration of “greedy goals” heightens this impact.

“With careful aim, the Killer Compliment captures everyone. It works best, however, when you use it judiciously on new acquaintances.”

“Killer Compliment” employs alliteration to capture attention and make the term memorable. The phrase “with careful aim” utilizes a metaphor, likening the act of giving a compliment to taking out a target (i.e., impressing a target).

“When you toss a boomerang, it makes an almost 180-degree swerve in midair and soars back to land at the feet of the thrower. Likewise, when someone tosses a compliment your way, let the good feelings soar back to the tosser. Don’t just say ‘Thanks.’”

The comparison between tossing a boomerang and receiving a compliment is a simile, designed to create a mental picture of reciprocity. By describing the boomerang’s “almost 180-degree swerve,” attention is drawn to the trajectory of interactions, suggesting that compliments should be met with equally impactful responses. The terms “soar back” and “toss” further this imagery.

“Your personality, mine, and everyone’s could be likened to a show, a theatrical performance. You want to make sure yours is a box-office smash, not a flop.”

This quote employs metaphor by likening personalities to theatrical shows. This choice transforms the abstract notion of personality into something more tangible—a performance that people can either attend or dismiss.