49 pages • 1 hour read
Matt de la PeñaI Will Save You
Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2010A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
The Impact of Trauma on Mental Health and Identity
The novel shows how traumatic experiences leave lasting impressions, especially on children and adolescents. Domestic violence and the brutal deaths of Kidd’s parents have hurt his mental health and generated low self-esteem.
In addition to the post-traumatic stress and depression Kidd suffers in the wake of his mother’s death, Kidd struggles with impulsive and dangerous behaviors. To cope with this side of himself, Kidd creates Devon, who encourages Kidd to participate in risky endeavors. Kidd compares Devon to his father: “The only person I know who’s like Devon is my dad. According to my Horizons therapist he had a death drive, too and that’s why he committed domestic abuse and lived with all those different women. My therapist says I was most likely drawn to Devon because his behavior felt familiar” (82). This highlights the trauma Kidd has endured. Consequently, he is vulnerable and drawn to danger. Instead of recognizing that he embodies toxic traits, Kidd ascribes them to Devon as a way of distancing himself from them.
Kidd manifests his death drive through Devon, such as when threatening the college kids. He stabs himself with a knife, highlighting his recklessness and impulsivity. Because of his belief that he is a nobody, he is willing to inflict physical pain on himself. This scene reveals how much he struggles with his mental health.
Kidd tries to remake himself as separate from his past, specifically, from his father. When Olivia’s friends ask his name, Kidd narrates:
I didn’t tell the girls how my dad gave me a regular name when I was born, but I changed it forever, two days after Mom died. I didn’t say how ‘Kidd’ was the first thing that came into my head when Devon (who was standing in my room at Horizons, holding my mom’s letter) asked what my name was (99).
Kidd changes his name to distance himself from past trauma and to generate a new identity. The name Kidd reflects his desire to be reborn and free from the horrors he has experienced, as a kid is typically naïve of the world’s cruelties. His new persona is innocent, such as when being shy around girls. The Devon side of accuses him of putting up a front: “‘For the past seven years you’ve been putting on this act! Pretending you’re a dummy!’” (159). Devon is a manifestation of Kidd’s internal conflict about who he is, which is a result of his struggle to separate himself from his past.
Ultimately, Kidd recognizes his different facets. When he wakes up in the hospital, he confesses to possessing a death drive like his father. In taking responsibility for Devon’s actions, he finally admits that Devon is a part of him.
The Struggle for Healing and a New Beginning
The novel shows how a path forward is not always easy, especially after experiencing trauma. Kidd’s journey exemplifies the struggle to heal deep psychological wounds and to start a new life.
Although it is challenging, Kidd fights to move beyond his past. In a journal entry, he remembers the day his mother killed his father and turned the gun on herself. He admits: “I know you try not to think about that, but you shouldn’t just forget either” (161). Through Kidd, the novel suggests that repressing something does not help one to heal. To move forward, one must confront memories and feelings head on. For example, although “meeting” Devon was the beginning of an unhealthy relationship, it forced Kidd to face his mom’s final words:
If Devon never walked in that night maybe you never would’ve been able to open [the letter]. Maybe it would’ve stayed sealed and stuck inside your bag forever. Buried in your Horizons closet like a pair of new shoes still in the box.
And maybe you never would’ve known what your mom did for you. Or about the evil in your genes. Or the new person you had to become. Kidd Ellison (185).
This passage suggests that Devon’s presence is a necessary evil for Kidd, one that has helped him work through his grief and pain. If Devon had not arrived, Kidd would not be able to see his mother’s love, how much his father’s actions influenced him, or the need to start fresh. Kidd’s revelations suggest that to heal and move forward, he must confront the worst in himself and in his life.
Struggle propels Kidd to rebuild his life. Olivia reminds him that the most visceral trauma isn’t external, but internal. She also says that one needs to keep moving forward and persevere in spite of it. By acknowledging how painful trauma can be, she validates Kidd’s struggle. She encourages him to keep going through the pain.
In the narrative, the image of a scar—the mark on Olivia’s face and scalp, and the idea of an external scar—exemplifies the idea of trauma. Where there once was a wound, now exists a mark of healing. The scar will always be there, but it will lessen in prominence over time. Eventually, Kidd understands all Olivia has taught him. In the hospital, as Kidd’s pain medication kicks in, threatening to whisk him back into a dream, he notes: “A strong wind rises up and tries to lift me. But I fight it this time, hard as I can, like Olivia fought the nurses pulling her away. I reach down for her hand and she grabs on. The rest of my body slowly floating in the air turning upside down” (304). Kidd’s resistance to medication-induced escape represents his struggle to keep going and begin anew. He battles back, as hard as he can, instead of just giving in. When he grabs Olivia’s hand, he signals his willingness to accept help, something he resisted for so long.
In his final journal entry, Kidd shows growth. He confesses he “thinks differently about [himself]” and that he “[means] something in the world” (306). With Devon gone from his mind, he can accept his strengths, leading him to believe he can start a new life and “even have a future” (306). Kidd’s struggle is not over, but he realizes that there is a chance for a new life if he fights for it.
The Power of Human Connection
The narrative shows how humans are social beings who need each other. The bonds that the characters forge with one another often provide physical and emotional benefits. As a result, relationships in the novel can often seem like a superpower.
Kidd forms bonds with Red and Olivia, who bolster him with encouragement, belief, and love. At the zoo, Red inspires Kidd to consider a future working with animals: “‘I believe you can do anything Kidd Ellison. Anything you put your mind to’” (153). Red’s belief plants a seed for Kidd to have confidence in himself: “At first I felt so good. ‘Cause maybe I could do a job at the zoo. For the summer. And maybe I even had a future like they said” (153). Kidd’s initial reaction is to feel “good” about himself, a rarity. For the first time, he contemplates a future. Although Kidd questions this later, Red’s encouragement is powerful, sowing hope in Kidd’s mind.
Additionally, Olivia boosts Kidd. Just being in her presence is enough to raise his spirits. For example, when she smiles at him on the midnight walk, “it made everything feel okay,” and “for the first time in forever [he] felt like [he] was normal” (106-07). Olivia helps Kidd feel a sense of belonging and contentment. This is amplified when they kiss for the first time. Kidd notes: “And my chest felt so full as I was thinking about us, touching foreheads, it felt like it was bursting with meaning and thankfulness, and for the first time in my life I thought maybe I’d be okay” (235). Physical contact, along with emotional connection, is a powerful reminder that Kidd matters and is cared for. His happiness and gratitude are so strong that he feels them viscerally, as if his chest and heart are bursting. Kidd’s relationships with Red and Olivia act as antidotes to his past trauma.
Through Red, the novel shows how even caregivers need care. After Red relapses and drinks on his son’s birthday, Kidd gives him the help he needs. Red is grateful for Kidd’s kindness. He realizes that sometimes he must garner strength from loved ones, for some battles require more than he alone can give. As he says: “‘Sometimes I’m gonna need to lean on friends’” (281). Red, in having provided Kidd with love, made Kidd strong enough to provide love in return.
Olivia also thrives on human connection, particularly with Kidd. Kidd’s belief in fate is reassuring to her, and his presence comforting. Because of her skin condition, she avoids intimate relationships, but when she is with Kidd she feels better. He is the one person she trusts to share her story. Hanging out with him has empowered her to let go of her insecurities, even just a little. Red, Olivia, and Kidd all demonstrate that human connection can provide strength and comfort.
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