Letter to My Daughter

Angelou was born in St. Louis, Missouri but was raised by her paternal grandmother, Annie Henderson, and her uncle, Willie, in Stamps, Arkansas. She recalls her experience growing up in the racially segregated town, writing:

My real growing up world, in Stamps, was a continual struggle against a condition of surrender. Surrender first to the grown-up human beings who I saw every day, all black and all very, very large. Then submission to the idea that black people were inferior to white people, who I saw rarely (6).

The hierarchy of power within Angelou’s hometown continuously subjected her to racism and sexism. Angelou states that the South, especially Arkansas, has a long history of “demoting […] adult blacks to psychological dwarfs” (6). Despite facing blatant racism in her childhood, Angelou writes that the only person she felt inferior to was her brother, Bailey, who she concedes was smarter.

The inability to control her external environment caused Angelou to create her own home within herself. She writes that all children share the inability to control the outer world and, out of necessity, create one for themselves. The child yearns “to find her own place, a region where only she lives and no one else can enter” (6). As people age, they marry, have their own children, and call themselves grown-ups. However, no one truly outgrows their inner child. Angelou concludes that “we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home” (6). Therefore, one never really leaves home. Instead, we carry home within us wherever we travel.

Angelou begins this chapter with the distinction between philanthropy and being charitable. Philanthropy, she writes, “was taken from two Greek words, philo—lover of; and anthro—mankind. So, philanthropists are lovers of humanity” (8). Angelou herself does not identify with philanthropy, as she is not a part of a larger group or association but rather strives to fix inequalities wherever she encounters them. Angelou’s grandmother, with her simple and old-fashioned ways, influenced her sense of the word “charitable.” Angelou’s mother, Vivian, lived a more progressive lifestyle and contested these values. Angelou therefore felt displaced and disoriented when she moved to her mother’s worldly environment.

Realizing that her daughter did not approve of or understand her lifestyle, Vivian decided to have a talk with Angelou. She told her that she was her mother, that she worked hard for her, and that, even if only to appease her mother, Angelou should force a smile around company. She told Angelou to smile for her, and when she did, her mother began to cry. She called Angelou her beautiful daughter. Angelou reflects on how she was never called beautiful or a daughter before and writes, “That day, I learned that I could be a giver by simply bringing a smile to another person” (9). Angelou concludes that she is happy to consider herself charitable.

Angelou describes John the Revelator and his prophecy foretelling the end (and ultimately new beginning) of the world. The idea of a coming apocalypse disturbed Angelou as a teen, and she describes visiting a convenience store to ease her anxiety. During this time, Angelou struggled with body issues. She writes, “It was during that time that I noticed my body’s betrayal. My voice became deep and husky, and my naked image in the mirror gave no intimation that it would ever become feminine and curvy” (10). She believed that “if [she] had sex [her] recalcitrant body would grow up and behave as it was supposed to behave” (10). Angelou decided to meet with a neighborhood boy who had been begging her to be intimate with him. When she saw him, she knew she’d made a mistake but slept with him anyway. She writes, “There were no endearments spoken, no warm caresses shared” (10). Nine months later, Angelou gave birth to her son. 

Fearful of her family’s disapproval, Angelou hid her baby bump until her high school graduation. That evening, once her graduation and stepfather’s birthday festivities ceased, she left a note on her stepfather’s pillow stating that she was pregnant. The next morning, her stepfather urged Angelou to tell her mother about the pregnancy. When she did, her mother told her, “There is no reason to ruin three lives; our family is going to have a wonderful baby” (13). Her mother stayed by her side throughout the entire delivery. Angelou reflects that after holding her baby, she felt proud of herself for the first time in her life.

Mark, a handsome man from Texas, befriended Angelou and the two became romantically involved. After a few months of dating, Mark took Angelou out to Half Moon Bay on what she believed to be a date. Instead, Mark forced her out of the car and accused her of cheating. Angelou’s first reaction was to laugh at the absurd accusation, but Mark remained infuriated and beat her until she fell unconscious. When she woke, most of her clothes were missing and she was propped up against a rock. Mark continued to beat her until she again passed out. He decided to drive Angelou to Betty Lou’s Chicken Shack, berating her publicly. Some men at the restaurant recognized Angelou and alerted Vivian. Angelou’s mother owned a local casino and bar, giving her access to bodyguards and a leading bail bondsman. Vivian began the search for her daughter, which proved more difficult than expected, as Mark appeared to have no existing records.

Angelou regained consciousness in Mark’s apartment, where he told her he had broken all her ribs. He experienced a psychotic break, threatening to kill himself and then her, but he eventually resolved to nurse Angelou back to health. He left the apartment to get food and juice at a convenience store. In his absence, Angelou desperately prayed. Suddenly, she heard her mother’s voice and watched large men break down the apartment door.

Her mother explained that two children at the same convenience store as Mark had tried to steal a pack of cigarettes. The police came, prompting the children to throw the cigarettes into Mark’s car. Mark was arrested and called the very same bail bondsman working for Vivian. Angelou says that her prayers were answered that day.