Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges

“Can this kind of presence help you become more successful in the traditional sense? Quite possibly. But what matters more is that it will allow you to approach stressful situations without anxiety, fear, and dread, and leave them without regret, doubt, and frustration. Instead, you will go forth with the knowledge that you did everything you could do. That you accurately and fully represented yourself and your abilities. That you showed them who you really are. That you showed yourself who you really are.”

Cuddy emphasizes that the actual outcome of a situation is less important than the experience of feeling like you have represented yourself in the way that best displays your talents and capabilities. When you leave the room, you can feel confident that you have done your best, and that you did not let anxiety or fear prevent you from being successful. Cuddy defines success here as being true to yourself and representing yourself well to others, rather than necessarily carrying the point or winning the job.

“Not only are introverts every bit as likely as extroverts to demonstrate resonant presence, but research conducted in the last decade has also overwhelmingly shown us that introverts tend to have qualities that very effectively facilitate leadership and entrepreneurship, such as the capacity to focus for long periods of time; a greater resistance to the kinds of decision-making biases that can doom entire organizations; less need for external validation of their self-concepts; and stronger listening, observing, and synthesizing skills.”

At first glance, it might appear to readers that extroversion is a requirement to embody presence. However, Cuddy asserts that introverts actually have an advantage because of innate qualities like extended focus and strong listening skills. Cuddy defines presence as not merely performing well in a difficult situation but bringing a full set of skills and traits. Introverts are able to perform and sometimes out-perform extroverts when it comes to presence. 

“Virtually all theories about the authentic self, and, by extension, about presence, require some degree of alignment—synchrony, as I will call it. In order for you to feel truly present, the various elements of the self—emotions, thoughts, physical and facial expressions, behaviors—must be in harmony. If our actions aren’t consistent with our values, we won’t feel that we’re being true to ourselves. If our emotions aren’t reflected in our physical expressions, we don’t feel real.”

Cuddy summarizes the research on authenticity and what it means to be true to oneself, and how the body and mind need to be in sync. When our bodily position and facial expressions do not align with our thoughts, the disconnect subverts our ability to be present in the moment and convey our true abilities, something that our audience will pick up on, creating a poor perception of our performance. In the last two lines of the above quote, Cuddy uses repetition to create a sense of emphasis and rhythm (bold my emphasis): “If our actions aren’t consistent with our values, we won’t feel that we’re being true to ourselves. If our emotions aren’t reflected in our physical expressions, we don’t feel real.”

“Together these studies make an important point: before heading into a situation where we may be challenged, we can reduce our anxiety by reaffirming the parts of our authentic best selves we value most. When we feel safe with ourselves, we become significantly less defensive and more open to feedback, making us better problem solvers, too.”

When going into challenging situations like a job interview or a big presentation, we might be focused on what the audience thinks of us. Cuddy points out that it is important that we understand ourselves in order to reduce anxiety. We need to know what it means to be our authentic self and to be clear on our own values before we try to share that authentic self with a possibly critical audience.

“‘People have called that a ministry of presence,’ Jeffrey said, ‘and I find that is among the most effective ways to do ministry, you know? To shut up and just be there.’”

Cuddy is quoting the Reverend Jeffrey Brown as he discusses the impact of his neighborhood ministry that requires him to listen to the people he serves rather than beginning with sermons from the pulpit. Jeffrey discovered that spending time among the people and listening to their day-to-day concerns makes a dramatic difference in his ability to serve the community When it came time to discuss a temporary cease-fire for the gun violence in the neighborhood, the youth in the community were more willing to come to the table and find a solution because they felt that Jeffrey and his team were being authentic with them. They felt that they could trust the religious leaders to listen to their concerns.

“When we feel like impostors, we don’t attribute our accomplishments to something internal and constant, such as talent or ability; instead we credit something beyond our control, such as luck. Rather than owning our successes, we distance ourselves from them. We deny ourselves the very support we need in order to thrive.”

Cuddy discusses impostorism or impostor syndrome. She points out that despite great contributions and accomplishments, we often attribute success to the actions of others or even luck, and that we don’t feel deserving. By addressing impostorism, Cuddy emphasizes the need for presence, as a lack of presence can make one’s life more difficult. The reader may wonder how to fix the problem of impostor syndrome and move beyond it. 

“Powerlessness and the anxiety that results from it undermine what psychologists call executive functions—high-order cognitive tools such as reasoning, task flexibility, and attention control, all of which are critical to coping well in challenging situations.”

Lack of personal power makes it difficult to be connected to your authentic self and to perform well. Cultivating presence prevents executive functioning skills from being impaired due to a lack of connection between body and mind. 

“The reality is that people just aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are—even when you actually are the center of attention. And if they are, there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. All you can do is hit the ball. This is called the spotlight effect, and it’s one of the most enduring and widespread egocentric human biases—to feel that people are paying more attention to us than they actually are…and usually in a bad way, not a good way.”

The spotlight effect is an error in thinking that amplifies anxiety and hinders the ability to perform well in difficult circumstances. Realizing that all eyes are in fact not on you can help you to overcome some of the anxiety that interferes with the ability to maintain a sense of presence.

“Here’s my hope: because personal power is infinite and does not require us to in any way control someone else, we don’t have a sense of scarcity about it. We don’t feel that we have to compete to keep it. It’s ours, whatever happens. It can’t be taken away by someone else. And that knowledge, that understanding, facilitates the desire to share it, to help others realize the same. And so I believe that personal power, unlike social power, becomes contagious. The more personally powerful we feel, the likelier it is that we’ll want to help others feel the same.”

In this section of the text, Cuddy contrasts social power with personal power. She emphasizes that personal power is particularly notable because it can be shared with others and is not a limited resource. Cuddy argues that personal power is a force for good that we should grow in ourselves and cultivate in others. 

“Whether temporary or stable, benevolent or sinister, status and power are expressed through evolved nonverbal displays—widespread limbs, enlargement of occupied space, erect posture. Think of Wonder Woman and Superman. Any John Wayne character. Kevin Spacey’s Frank Underwood on House of Cards. An Alvin Ailey dancer expressing liberation and freedom. When we feel powerful, we stretch out. We lift our chins and pull our shoulders back. We puff up our chests. Spread our feet apart. Raise our arms.”

Cuddy argues that there is a direct connection between the feeling of power and the expression of that power in our bodies by expanding and taking up space. By alluding to characters from pop culture, Cuddy evokes a specific image in the reader’s mind about what she means by “enlargement of occupied space.” If one reference does not work for a reader—perhaps Underwood from House of Cards, cancelled in Season 18 does not resonate with readers years after the show’s cultural moment—others like Wonder Woman and Superman might.

“Here’s the good news: we actually have some control over our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. Recall that the vagus nerve carries information between the brain stem and the organs; the traffic goes both ways. As van der Kolk explains, ‘Some 80 percent of the fibers of the vagus nerve (which connects the brain with many internal organs) are afferent; that is, they run from the body into the brain. This means that we can directly train our arousal system by the way we breathe, chant, and move, a principle that has been utilized since time immemorial in places like China and India.’”

The sympathetic nervous system controls fight or flight responses, while the parasympathetic system helps with relaxation. Cuddy argues that we can influence both systems with breath and movement. Since fibers from the vagus nerve take body signals to the brain, they can influence your thinking. The takeaway is that Eastern techniques like yoga are rooted in a truth that physical practices can affect our thinking, giving us power over our minds when we move our bodies differently.

“How you carry yourself—your facial expressions, your postures, your breathing—all clearly affect the way you think, feel, and behave.”

Cuddy argues that specific movements of the face, bodily position, and respiration have that same power that yoga practices have to influence thoughts and feelings, and therefore behaviors. Readers might be surprised to learn that little things like smiling or frowning could impact the way they perceive events around them.

“The way we carry ourselves from moment to moment blazes the trail our lives take. When we embody shame and powerlessness, we submit to the status quo, whatever that may be. We acquiesce to emotions, actions, and outcomes that we resent. We don’t share who we really are. And all this has real-life consequences. The way you carry yourself is a source of personal power—the kind of power that is the key to presence. It’s the key that allows you to unlock yourself—your abilities, your creativity, your courage, and even your generosity. It doesn’t give you skills or talents you don’t have; it helps you to share the ones you do have. It doesn’t make you smarter or better informed; it makes you more resilient and open. It doesn’t change who you are; it allows you to be who you are.”

Cuddy discusses the mind-body connection and the idea of presence. By carrying ourselves in a powerless way, we feel less powerful, which keeps us trapped in powerlessness. On the other hand, if you embrace your personal power with posture and presence, you are able to be more authentically yourself, unlocking the talents and skills that you could not access when not feeling your personal power. Cuddy uses repetition to create a sense of rhythm and urgency (bold my emphasis): “It doesn’t give you skills or talents you don’t have; it helps you to share the ones you do have. It doesn’t make you smarter or better informed; it makes you more resilient and open. It doesn’t change who you are; it allows you to be who you are.”

“[O]ne need not have a fully able body to reap the benefits of power posing. In fact, many of us—with or without disabilities—find ourselves in situations in which we can’t find the space or privacy to power pose before walking into a big challenge. But we can always imagine ourselves as Wonder Woman or Superman in our own little thought bubble.”

Cuddy receives messages from people with disabilities that prevent them from being able to strike a power pose. She argues that creating a mental image of the power pose is also effective, thereby limiting no one from accessing personal power. Mental visualization is also an option for people who are surrounded by others and do not have the privacy to do their power pose freely. Creating the mental image is enough to reap the benefits.

“What I most want you to understand is that your body is continuously and convincingly sending messages to your brain, and you get to control the content of those messages.”

Cuddy emphasizes her central theme: You have control over your body and your body has the ability to influence your mind. Use that ability to create presence, and you will be able to succeed. 

“Most of us would benefit from a power boost before a job interview, a meeting with an authority figure, a class discussion, a difficult conversation, a negotiation, an audition, an athletic event, or a presentation before a group.”

Cuddy lists several types of situations in which it would be beneficial to do a power pose to access our most authentic selves before a potentially critical audience. This puts the access to power in our own hands. It is not dependent on the circumstances around us, but on our connection with our own body and mind.

“By taking up as much space as you comfortably can in the moments preceding the challenge, you’re telling yourself that you’re powerful—that you’ve got this—which emancipates you to bring your boldest, most authentic self to the challenge. You’re optimizing your brain to be 100 percent present when you walk in. Think of it as a pre-event warm-up.”

A power pose does not necessarily have to be a Wonder Woman pose. It can also look like sitting up straight and tall in your chair with feet planted firmly on the floor or by walking around a room, taking up space. These simple actions make it much easier to be present when you enter a challenging situation.

“Adopting high-power poses in actual interactions is very likely to backfire—by violating norms, causing others to shrink, and so on, as I explained earlier. It’s also not easy to maintain a pose while working at your computer all day.”

Cuddy gives an important warning. Dominant poses or power poses do not work well during the actual challenge. Interviewers perceive people who assert physical dominance as being manipulative or untrue to themselves. While the poses have great effect when done before the interview begins, during the actual interview, use good posture to maintain your presence. It’s also not realistic to assume a power pose throughout the work day, but we can take moments to walk around the office, correct our posture, and take care not to fold in on ourselves and slouch.

“First, slowing down is a power move. Just as speaking slowly, taking pauses, and occupying space are related to power, so, too, is taking your time to figure out how to respond and slowing down your decision-making process in high-pressure moments.”

Cuddy discusses that being expansive does not only refer to taking up physical space. It can also be done by taking temporal space. By taking our time, slowing our responses, and moderating our answers, we show and claim power for ourselves. Speaking rapidly and responding hastily convey powerlessness and are perceived that way by others.

“As I explained in the first chapter, presence is not about winning. It cannot be motivated by desire for a certain outcome—although the outcome is likely to be better when you are present. It’s about approaching your biggest challenges without dread, executing them without anxiety, and leaving them without regret.”

Cuddy clarifies that being present and power posing will not automatically assure a desired outcome. It is possible to be present and to be your authentic self and still not get the job, win the match, or make the sale. However, having connected your mind and body to become present makes challenging situations less difficult and lessens the anxiety that we feel going into them. In other words, presence is still a valuable tool, regardless of the ultimate outcome. 

“Self-nudges, as I began to call them, are minimal modifications to one’s own body language and/or mind-set that are intended to produce small psychological and behavioral improvements in the moment. They are tiny tweaks with the potential to, over time, lead to big changes. Unlike more ambitious, programmatic changes, long-term life goals, and forced self-affirmations of things we don’t actually believe, self-nudges appeal to our natural, hardwired tendencies. When you give yourself a self-nudge, the gap between reality and goal is narrow; it’s not daunting, which means you’re less likely to give up. As a result, your behavior change is more authentic, lasting, and self-reinforcing.”

Cuddy argues that we have the ability to re-shape our own behavior. Self-nudges move us gently and incrementally toward the direction we would like to go. For instance, if someone wanted to slow down their reactivity to criticism, they might try to wait a minute before sending a response, rather than immediately replying. A minute is a small change, but being able to wait a minute now could grow into being able to wait for longer periods of time in the future. Succeeding at waiting one minute makes it easier to wait for two and to continue expanding the ability to pause before responding to criticism. 

“Not only can we not calm down, but when someone tells us to calm down, it also reminds us of how calm we are not, which stokes our anxiety even more. But there’s another high-arousal emotion that’s not so negative. In fact, it’s quite positive—excitement. Brooks predicted that we may not be able to extinguish arousal, but we should be able to change the way we interpret it. So rather than fruitlessly trying to change the arousal level of our emotional states from high to low, what if we try to change them from negative to positive? From anxiety to excitement?”

Anxiety and excitement are both examples of high-arousal, in that our bodies respond with a rapid heartbeat, sweating, and quick breathing. By channeling arousal from anxiety to excitement, it is possible to create a positive feeling instead of a negative one. The physical symptoms will still be present, but they will indicate something productive. Over time, it is possible to reduce the feelings of anxiety altogether and replace them with excitement. 

“[P]ower posing and athletics are a natural match—all the various postures of victory are identical to the positions that have been shown, in the lab, to increase confidence and presence. I’ve heard from countless athletes and coaches in track and field, ski racing, rowing, baseball, basketball, water polo, soccer, gymnastics, volleyball, even sailing.”

While power posing is often presented in the context of the business world, it is highly effective in the realm of athletics. Connecting the mind and body further by using power poses is particularly effective in athletic endeavors.