The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

Archbishop Desmond Tutu discusses the relationship between suffering and joy, as well as the role of community in enduring hardships. He begins by acknowledging the support he has received from others, emphasizing the importance of community: “One of the good things is realizing that you are not a solitary cell. You are part of a wonderful community” (43). He reflects on his personal experiences with apartheid and prostate cancer, suggesting that suffering can be a necessary component for developing compassion and understanding.

Tutu draws on the example of Nelson Mandela’s transformation during his 27 years in prison, stating, “The suffering in prison helped him to become more magnanimous, willing to listen to the other side” (44). This perspective is extended to his role during the apartheid struggle and his work with the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, which aimed to address the atrocities of apartheid without revenge.

Tutu also speaks about the paradoxical nature of suffering and its role in personal growth, using childbirth as a metaphor: “Nothing beautiful in the end comes without a measure of some pain, some frustration, some suffering” (45). He connects this to a broader biological principle where stress and opposition are necessary for development.

When discussing how to maintain joy in the face of suffering, Tutu acknowledges the importance of recognizing the contributions of others, like nurses and doctors, during difficult times. He highlights the importance of not feeling guilty about experiencing pain and suggests shifting focus away from oneself to alleviate suffering.

The Dalai Lama contributes to the conversation by emphasizing the negative impact of self-centered thinking and the positive effects of compassionate concern for others. He shares his own experience with physical pain and how focusing on the suffering of others lessened his own discomfort. The Dalai Lama discusses the Buddhist practice of mind training (lojong), which advocates for reducing self-absorption to achieve happiness. The practice suggests that joy is an essential part of human nature that can be cultivated by shifting attention away from personal suffering and towards compassion for the suffering of others.

The scientific study of happiness and joy is also discussed, with Abrams citing research suggesting that happiness is not solely determined by genetics or circumstances, but also by attitudes and actions such as reframing situations positively, experiencing gratitude, and choosing kindness. This aligns with the perspectives shared by Tutu and the Dalai Lama on the importance of these attitudes in cultivating joy.

The two spiritual leaders explore the distinction between sensory pleasures and deeper mental joy. The Dalai Lama explains the Buddhist view that sensory pleasures, while enjoyable, are fleeting and do not lead to lasting happiness. He uses the analogy of drinking saltwater to quench thirst to describe the pursuit of happiness through sensory gratification.

The Dalai Lama clarifies that as a monk, he has not renounced enjoyment itself but rather the attachment to it. He enjoys food, for example, but consumes it with the mindset of nourishing the body rather than out of greed. He shares a Tibetan Buddhist prayer often recited before meals to emphasize this approach: “Viewing this meal as a medicine, I shall enjoy it without greed or anger, not out of gluttony nor out of pride, not to fatten myself, but only to nourish my body” (53).

The discussion then shifts to different types of happiness. The Dalai Lama distinguishes between the temporary pleasure derived from sensory experiences and a deeper, more fulfilling joy that arises from mental states such as love, compassion, and generosity. He states, “When we speak of experiencing happiness, we need to know that there are actually two different kinds... The first is the enjoyment of pleasure through our senses... But we can also experience happiness at the deeper level through our mind” (53). This deeper level of joy, he argues, provides a sense of fulfillment and is longer-lasting compared to sensory pleasures.

The Dalai Lama also discusses how focusing on mental joy can lessen the impact of physical pain and discomfort. He describes an experience of intense physical pain that was alleviated by shifting his focus to the suffering of others, illustrating how compassion can mitigate personal suffering.

Abrams relates this discussion to the scientific concept of the hedonic treadmill, explaining how repeated exposure to a pleasurable stimulus leads to diminishing returns in terms of happiness. Contrarily, acts of love and generosity have been shown to have a lasting positive effect on well-being.

Abrams cites research by neuroscientist Richard Davidson, identifying four independent brain circuits that influence well-being: the ability to maintain positive states, recover from negative states, focus and avoid mind-wandering, and be generous. This research suggests that love, compassion, and generosity are not just moral virtues but are also integral to our neurological makeup and overall happiness.

The dialogue between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu revolves around the concept of joy as a profound, communal experience rather than a fleeting, individual feeling. The Archbishop articulates the essence of this joy, stating, “I mean simply to say that ultimately our greatest joy is when we seek to do good for others” (59). He reinforces the idea that human beings are inherently wired for compassion and caring, and our deepest fulfillment comes from connecting with others.

The Archbishop introduces the African philosophy of Ubuntu, which translates to “A person is a person through other persons” (60). He explains this concept by illustrating the interconnectedness of human beings and the importance of sharing and caring for each other. The idea is that solitary existence, like the solitary confinement Tutu’s friend Nelson Mandela experienced while incarcerated by the apartheid regime, goes against human nature and leads to a sense of withering.

The Dalai Lama expands on this notion by discussing the significance of social bonds and trust. He emphasizes that genuine concern for others’ well-being fosters trust and friendship. He argues that self-centered attitudes and actions prevent the development of true friendships. The Dalai Lama stresses, “We human beings are social animals, as we’ve said, and we need friends. Genuine friends” (62).

The Dalai Lama highlights the shortsightedness of pursuing money, power, or fame for personal happiness. Instead, he suggests that genuine happiness comes from social interactions and caring for others.

Abrams again cites Richard Davidson’s research, revealing that there are four independent brain circuits influencing well-being, including the ability to maintain positive states and recover from negative ones. The capacity for generosity is shown to be an integral part of the brain’s wiring.

The Archbishop and the Dalai Lama suggest that focusing on our own joy and happiness is not selfish but rather beneficial for both individuals and those around them. Happy people are more sociable, flexible, creative, loving, and forgiving. The idea that the cultivation of joy and happiness in one’s own life is essential for addressing larger issues of injustice and inequality in the world concludes the discussion. The Dalai Lama shares his daily practice of setting a meaningful intention each morning, focusing on kindness, compassion, and the interdependence of all beings.

The setting is described as a simple yet elegant room adorned with traditional Tibetan thangkas and a golden Buddha. The meal, prepared in the Dalai Lama’s kitchen, includes Tibetan staples like noodles, vegetables, and momos. The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu sit across from each other, exchanging playful banter and insights.

Their conversation begins with reflections on aging and mortality. The Dalai Lama recounts a conversation with a knee specialist, who reminded him of his age. This moment leads to a discussion on impermanence, a key Buddhist teaching. The Dalai Lama jokes with the Archbishop about their respective ages, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and accepting the aging process.

As the meal progresses, the Dalai Lama speaks about his fondness for the Archbishop, highlighting their shared mischievous nature. Explaining what he means, the Dalai Lama says that whenever he is at a very formal event, he hopes that some mishap will occur to make people laugh and puncture the artificial solemnity. He says, “The meeting of two mischievous people is wonderful” (67), illustrating the deep friendship and respect he and Archbishop Tutu share.

The dialogue then shifts to the concept of Ubuntu, as explained by Archbishop Tutu. He describes Ubuntu as the essence of being human through others, emphasizing the interconnectedness of all people. He underscores the importance of sharing and caring within the community, and how isolation, like solitary confinement, is detrimental to the human spirit.

The Dalai Lama expands on this by discussing the need for religious tolerance and the acceptance of diverse faiths. He advocates for respect among different religious traditions, sharing his admiration for other faiths and his experiences visiting holy sites around the world.

They discuss the challenge of intolerance and fanaticism in the world, with the Dalai Lama emphasizing education and wider contact as solutions. He recounts meeting a Christian monk whose primary practice was love, underscoring the commonality of love across religious traditions.

The Archbishop recounts a story about the Dalai Lama’s visit to heaven, using it to highlight the absurdity of religious exclusivity. He expresses his admiration for the Dalai Lama, saying, “I think one of the best things that ever happened to me was meeting you” (72).

The Dalai Lama explains the biological need for love, especially in early childhood, for healthy brain development. He emphasizes the universality of this need, saying, noting that all mammals must bond with their mothers in infancy to survive.