The Girl Who Smiled Beads: A Story of War and What Comes After

The narrative begins in 1994, when Wamariya is a six-year-old girl in Kigali, Rwanda. Claire, nine years older, is business-minded from an early age. Wamariya enjoys climbing a mango tree in their front yard with her brother Pudi. Her mother is an accomplished gardener.

Wamariya’s mother dresses modestly under the “Catholic-Rwandan-postcolonial ethos” that “[y]ou want to stay as invisible as possible” (12). She discourages Wamariya’s curiosity, for girls “were supposed to be reserved, contained, nearly opaque” (13).

One day Wamariya’s mother’s friend dies, or “respond[s] to God” (13). Wamariya wonders whether people can “say no thank you” (14) and remain on Earth. She enjoys listening to the stories told to her by her nanny, Mukamana. Mukamana often lets Wamariya guess what happens next, tailoring the story to accommodate her suggestions.

Wamariya enjoys walking home from kindergarten with Mukamana. However, one day Mukamana disappears. Wamariya’s mother fires the new nanny, Pascazia, for leading Wamariya past a group of people stoning someone. Wamariya does not return to kindergarten.

Wamariya notices restrictions on her behavior. She is no longer allowed to play in the mango tree, her mother always has the curtains drawn, and they lose access to water. Her father does not work late anymore. When Wamariya hears explosions, her brother Pudi convinces her it is thunder.

Wamariya’s mother sends them Wamariya and Claire to their grandmother’s house in Butare, three hours away. One day, after a knock on the door, Wamariya’s grandmother tells them to escape through the sunflower fields. The girls walk through the hills in silence and terror. Occasionally, they hear “laughing and screaming and pleading and crying” (25).

To avoid people, Claire leads Wamariya through the woods. They see bodies floating in the river, and Wamariya thinks they are sleeping. They begin hiding during the day and walking at night. After staying a few days with poor farmers, they join a group of refugees who camp in a field. Wamariya feels that she no longer has a home. All around her, people cry for their family members. One night Wamariya wanders off and loses Claire until morning; at Claire’s scolding, she promises not to wander off again.

Six years later, in 2000, Wamariya, age 12, and Claire, 21, arrive in Chicago along with Claire’s two children and Rob, her husband, a former CARE worker. Wamariya feels as if time is refusing “to move in an orderly fashion” and that events in her life are “fragments, floating” (33). To “make sense” of time, she “document[s]” (33) herself by collecting little items from her past.

In the airport the Becker family greets them with gifts and brings them to the pastor’s house. The pastor and his wife lay out a large display of food for them. Though “[e]veryone was so nice” (36), Wamariya is “so bruised and so mistrustful” (36) that she cannot relax. She is uncomfortable when the pastor and his wife hug them: she does not show affection with her family even though she loves them because “[t]aking care of loved ones” (36) is based “on the fear of losing them” (36).

For three months they live with the Beasley family in a Chicago suburb. Wamariya cannot relate to the Beasleys’ teenaged daughter Sarah or the Beckers’ 11-year-old daughter Julia. The girls laugh “at everything” (37) and do not do chores. They attempt to throw Wamariya a party, but Wamariya is “so contemptuous, so defended, so easy to give to and difficult to please” (37). Claire and Wamariya find it hard “to enjoy this plush new world” (37). One night, at the pastor’s house, Wamariya looks in the refrigerator and feels uncomfortable knowing that there are so many people in Zambia who are starving while she is staring at “such excess” (38).

Wamariya understands that she has to “fit in” (38) but cannot stop worrying. She finds “[t]he kindness and gift-giving” to be “overwhelming” (39). She and Claire do not discuss the past.

The narrative returns to 1994, when Claire and Wamariya are still in a refugee camp in Burundi. They are taken to the Ngozi refugee camp, where they are given water jugs, blankets, and a tent. Wamariya is struck by how she is merely one of many.

In the refugee camp, “[s]taying alive [is] so much work” (43). Refugees must wait in long lines for their ration of food and start fires with no matches. There is no toilet paper, for “human dignity is expendable” (44). Wamariya strives to “try not to become invisible” in a place where “nobody cared about your name” (43). She writes her name in the dust and tells people her name at every opportunity. However, because she feels empty, her name becomes empty too. Wamariya feels that her identity is “lost” (43).

Wamariya is plagued by lice, which she picks out of her hair and clothes. Bugs also burrow into her feet. She misses her mother most when she tries to bathe; Claire will not help her.

The maize they are given is nearly inedible. Wamariya is assigned the task of cooking it, which takes hours. She cries constantly. Once a month, children are given half a vitamin and a biscuit. After a time, Wamariya begins to realize that she will not see her parents again.

Wamariya develops a “do-not-fuck-with-me stare” (47), which she uses to prevent women from cutting her in the line for water. She is enraged by the younger children in the camp, who walk around naked; she blames their parents for not taking care of them and angers parents by openly chastising them.

Wamariya struggles to retain her identity. She sings herself a song her mother taught her about seeking God’s comfort when she is sad.

In 2001 Wamariya and Claire live in a one-bedroom apartment in Chicago, and Wamariya starts sixth grade. People from church continue to offer the sisters donations. Wamariya tries to feel “grateful” but is often “overwhelmed and miserable” (53). To survive, she “become[s] some else” (53), just as she did when she was a refugee.

Mrs. Becker arranges for Wamariya to live with Mrs. Thomas, Wamariya’s “American mother” (54), so she can attend Christian Heritage Academy. Wamariya loves her comfortable bedroom because it is a place where “[e]verything [is] under [her] control” (56). She is careful to keep her room clean and to eat the foods she is given, even when she doesn’t like them. She uses her “refugee skills” to perform her “role as a student” (56).

On the first day of school, Sarah Beasley, the pastor’s daughter, introduces Wamariya as “Tina” so her name will be easier to pronounce. Wamariya participates in track and dance. Mrs. Thomas picks her up in the same spot because she knows Wamariya is afraid “of being lost or left behind” (56). During the weekends, Wamariya lives with Claire.

On September 11, 2001, Wamariya wonders why people are so serious when “[t]his happens to people everywhere” (57). She feels “jaded and scornful” (57) and begins to have nightmares. She collects obituaries of victims who are “lucky enough to be memorialized and mourned” (58).

Wamariya is “contemptuous and cold” (58) when people help her. Wilma Kline, Mrs. Thomas’s friend, takes her shopping in a department store in an attempt to help her “find comfort” in a body it has “been a never-ending battle” (59) to take care of. Wamariya realizes in retrospect that Mrs. Kline wanted to help her develop “confidence and positivity” (60).

In Rwanda, a woman’s value is tied to her ability to bring her family fortune through marriage. However, a woman’s value can be easily stolen by konona, or rape. Wamariya grew up believing that “[t]he damage is permanent” (61) and still struggles “to erase that language of ruin” (61).

Wamariya joins the cheerleading squad because she wants to develop the “useful skill” (64) of being happy. She stops attending sleepovers because, while “perform[ing] the ritual of casual friendship” (64) is easy, the girls “were not my peers” (64). She knows people often are nice to you before “they want to kill you” (64).