The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want

Lyubomirsky explores the quest for happiness and the common tendency among people to look for it in the wrong places. Scientific research reveals that the factors individuals typically believe will significantly affect their lives often yield only marginal results; in contrast, the genuine sources of personal happiness and well-being tend to be overlooked. Lyubomirsky refers to a study by Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania in which severely depressed individuals, categorized as the most extremely depressed, were able to alleviate their conditions to an extent by engaging in a simple daily exercise involving the recollection and documentation of three positive occurrences.

Moreover, Lyubomirsky highlights the prevalent misconception that positive life events, such as job promotions, good health, romantic relationships, or political victories, will bring much more happiness than they actually do. For instance, she questions the pursuit of material wealth, often equated with happiness, as the influence of money on one’s well-being is in fact rather limited.

Lyubomirsky further elaborates that in the past, many psychologists were skeptical about the potential for enduring happiness. The prevailing belief was that happiness was largely determined by genetics and that people had a tendency to adapt to positive changes in their lives, ultimately returning to their “baseline level of happiness,” or “happiness set point.” However, Lyubomirsky asserts that genetics contribute only 50% to an individual’s happiness levels, and life circumstances a mere 10% influence, meaning that the remaining 40% is within individuals’ control. That 40%, in other words, can be shaped through intentional daily activities, reiterating the book’s major theme of Personal Agency in Happiness.

Proposed activities include nurturing relationships with family and friends, expressing gratitude, offering help to others, maintaining an optimistic outlook, savoring life’s pleasures, engaging in regular physical exercise, and pursuing lifelong ambitions. Furthermore, Lyubomirsky emphasizes the numerous advantages of happiness, including enhanced sociability, resilience, productivity, improved health, and even a longer lifespan. She refers to the case of Bhutan, where Buddhists have prioritized Gross Domestic Happiness (GDH) over GDP, or the promotion of economic development.

Lyubomirsky ends the chapter with a simple yet important message. Namely, an often underestimated benefit of becoming happier is that we improve not only our own lives but also the well-being of our partners, families, communities, and even society as a whole.

Lyubomirsky presents a comprehensive analysis of the concept of happiness, Debunking Happiness Myths in doing so. She initiates the chapter by painting a vivid picture of genuinely happy individuals, those who seem to handle life’s challenges with a sense of optimism and contentment. These people, as Lyubomirsky describes them, possess a unique ability to view the world through “rose-colored glasses” (27). She asks the readers if they envy “someone who appears composed and untroubled even in the face of adversity” (27).

Lyubomirsky introduces Angela and Randy, individuals who have faced significant life challenges and setbacks but have managed to maintain their happiness levels. Angela’s story, which encompasses a turbulent upbringing, financial struggles, and career setbacks, further supports Lyubomirsky’s idea that happiness can be found despite setbacks. Angela discovers happiness through her close relationship with her daughter, her sense of humor, and the support of her community. Randy, who has endured childhood losses and a challenging divorce, embodies the power of an optimistic outlook and the ability to focus on the positive aspects of life, even in the face of adversity.

Central to Lyubomirsky’s message in this chapter is the notion that happiness is not solely determined by external circumstances. Much more prescient than external circumstances alone is The Interplay of External Circumstances and Internal States in Determining Happiness. In other words, happiness is primarily a state of mind, a perspective on life that can be cultivated through intentional actions and strategies. She also introduces the idea of a happiness continuum, highlighting that individuals can move along this spectrum by implementing specific activities and approaches in their lives. To help readers discover their current happiness level, Lyubomirsky introduces the Subjective Happiness Scale, a valuable tool for self-assessment.

The chapter proceeds to systematically debunk three major happiness myths that often mislead people in their pursuit of happiness. First, Lyubomirsky challenges the myth that happiness is something to be “found” externally. Contrary to popular belief, research indicates that happiness is predominantly a state of mind that can be nurtured through deliberate actions and strategies.

Second, she addresses the myth that happiness hinges on changing life circumstances. Many people mistakenly believe that altering external factors like income, possessions, or relationships will lead to lasting happiness. However, Lyubomirsky presents evidence, including the “happiness pie chart,” to demonstrate that the impact of such changes on happiness is relatively small.

Third, she tackles the myth that happiness is innate and unchangeable. Lyubomirsky refutes the notion that individuals are either born happy or unhappy and hence cannot modify their inherent disposition. She brings forward research findings suggesting that individuals can overcome genetic predispositions and elevate their happiness through intentional efforts, demonstrating the significance of Personal Agency in Happiness.

Moreover, Lyubomirsky refers to the concept of hedonic adaptation and its influence on our pursuit of happiness. She explains how people tend to quickly adapt to positive changes in their lives, such as increased wealth, possessions, beauty, or marriage. Consequently, the initial boost in happiness from these changes tends to be short-lived, with individuals eventually reverting to their baseline level of happiness.

To underline the genetic basis of happiness, Lyubomirsky references studies conducted on identical and fraternal twins. Identical twins, who share 100% of their genetic material, exhibit remarkably similar happiness levels, even when assessed years apart, which underscores the significance of genetic influence on happiness. In contrast, fraternal twins, who share only 50% of their genes, do not demonstrate the same correlation.

Lyubomirsky also emphasizes the role of environmental factors and behaviors in influencing gene expression, offering examples such as the “depression gene” (58) and the impact of stress. While our genetic set point may be relatively fixed, Lyubomirsky emphasizes that we retain control over our happiness levels through intentional actions, which constitute a substantial 40% of the happiness equation. She shares inspiring stories of individuals who have consciously chosen to become happier through positive actions and mindset shifts.

In this chapter, Lyubomirsky addresses the crucial question of how to achieve happiness by emphasizing the importance of a personalized approach. Lyubomirsky begins by highlighting that there is no single, universal secret path to happiness that works for everyone. Instead, she underscores the uniqueness of individuals, who possess diverse needs, interests, values, resources, and inclinations that make certain happiness strategies more effective for them than others.

The author introduces the concept of person-activity fit, emphasizing that the key to happiness lies in finding strategies that align with one’s individuality. This means selecting happiness activities that resonate with one’s weaknesses, strengths, goals, and lifestyle, aligning with the theme Personal Agency in Happiness. Lyubomirsky presents three primary ways to determine this fit:

1. Fit with the source of unhappiness: Lyubomirsky suggests that individuals should consider the underlying causes of their unhappiness, which can vary widely among people. By identifying these sources, they can select happiness-enhancing activities that directly address their specific problems or areas of weakness. For instance, someone prone to pessimism might benefit from cultivating optimism.
2. Fit with your strengths: Another approach is to focus on one’s strengths, talents, or goals. By leveraging these innate qualities, individuals can choose activities that align with their unique attributes. For example, achievement-oriented individuals may find happiness in pursuing significant life goals, while creative people might express gratitude or forgiveness through artistic outlets.
3. Fit with your lifestyle: It’s essential to consider whether the selected happiness activities can be integrated into one’s daily life. Activities should be adaptable to one’s needs and circumstances. For instance, if someone leads a hectic life, they may prefer activities that don’t require extra time, while those unsatisfied with their work might choose activities that improve their job satisfaction.

Lyubomirsky emphasizes that the motivation to pursue a happiness strategy should be self-determined, driven by genuine interests and values rather than external pressures. When individuals choose activities that feel natural, enjoyable, and aligned with their values, they are more likely to persist in their efforts and, ultimately, achieve greater happiness.

The author then introduces a practical tool, the “Person-Activity Fit Diagnostic” (76), to help individuals identify the most suitable happiness activities for them. This diagnostic involves rating each of the 12 evidence-based happiness activities on the following metrics: how natural, enjoyable, and valuable the activity is to the person; how guilty they would feel if they didn’t do the activity; and how fitting the activity is for them. By calculating a “fit score” for each activity, individuals can identify their top four best-fitting activities to pursue.

Lyubomirsky acknowledges that while a good fit is essential for success, it’s possible for initially perceived “corny” or uncomfortable activities to grow on individuals and eventually be practiced sincerely and genuinely. She emphasizes the importance of persistence and experimentation when striving for happiness.