Three Women

Taddeo describes examples which exemplify the public expression of male desire: the masturbating man and Taddeo’s father, whose attraction to her mother “was evident in a way that still makes me uncomfortable to recall” (3). Taddeo juxtaposes this obvious, urgent, and public male desire with the secret and private world of women’s desire. Taddeo reflected that she did not know how her own mother felt about the masturbating man, or in fact how her mother felt about any other positive or negative sexual or romantic encounter. Taddeo reflects that “sometimes it seemed that she didn’t have any desires of her own” (3). Taddeo’s lack of understanding of her own mother’s desire, and her subsequent discomfort when confronted with it (e.g., when her mother wants to search up an old flame on the internet), led her to become fascinated with the relatively private and silenced subject of female desire.

Taddeo chose her subjects because they were able to reflect with rawness and honesty on their desires. She is motivated to understand and express these women’s experiences and to lay them bare for readers because female desire does not tend to be expressed or accepted in the same way as men’s desire. Her goal in documenting this desire with transparency and honesty is to allow her readers to feel compassion and connection with her subjects. Although their stories are unique, there are elements to their experiences which Taddeo feels are universally relatable: love, joy, pain, loss, desire, and shame. In the three interwoven narratives of her subjects, Taddeo intends to connect the topic of female desire to these universal human experiences.

Maggie

Taddeo’s opening chapter characterizes Maggie as a traumatized young woman, still reeling from the impact of her romantic and sexual relationship with her teacher Aaron Knodel. Taddeo suggests that Maggie was exploited by Knodel, who was in a position of power. The fallout after their affair reveals the inherent power imbalance which existed between them and the vulnerability of the teenage Maggie. While Knodel went on to have another child with his wife, receive the prestigious Teacher of the Year award, and continue to live on the “nice side” of West Fargo, Maggie struggles with her mental health and her sexual identity and ends up dropping out of school (16).

Maggie admits that she is excited and nervous to see Knodel in court. The care which she puts into her hair and makeup reveals her anxiety, and her desire to be recognized by him as the adult that she now is, rather than the confused child who he exploited: “he is not dealing with a child anymore” (11). It is confusing to Maggie that she still feels sexual desire and longing towards the man who hurt her so deeply. Her case highlights the nuance and complexities of sexual assault cases.

Maggie’s infatuation and brief affair with Knodel is represented, paradoxically, as the source of her greatest joy and her greatest misery. She was infatuated, remembering the past with him as a metaphorical “heaven” compared to the “black death of [her] present” (17). To Maggie, Knodel was “like a father and a husband and a teacher and your best friend” (14). Knodel fostered Maggie’s obsession with him through hours of phone conversations, caring and sincere inquiries about her life, thoughtful gifts, and sexual encounters. It is only when his attention is withdrawn completely that Maggie realizes how this affair, with its inherent and illegal power imbalance, has damaged and hurt her. She is left reeling, neglected, unable to make sense of her experiences and is hampered in her future attempts at romantic connection. His cold eyes in court convey to Maggie his hatred of her for exposing him, and she struggles to square this with the way he used to look at her with “love, lust” (14).

Through Maggie’s experience, Taddeo highlights the flaws of the judicial system in trying sexual assault cases. She reveals the way that Maggie is intentionally portrayed as “crazy and broken” (20). Hoy, Knodel’s “sleek fuck” of a lawyer, emphasizes unfavorable facts about Maggie to present her as an unstable and unreliable source (13). Her family’s relative poverty, her parents’ alcohol use, and her sexual and dating history are emphasized to discredit her. Hoy presents Maggie as a “lost” and sexually “loose” woman, who brings disrepute upon the men who have the misfortune of encountering her, such as Knodel, who is presented as an upstanding family man and model teacher whose life has been derailed by Maggie’s slanderous lies. Taddeo positions the reader to wonder why it is Maggie’s past, rather than Knodel’s actions, that are on trial.

Lina

Taddeo’s next subject, Lina, is portrayed as an insecure character, who fixates on her physical flaws and inadequacies. Lina’s definition of herself as the kind of fifteen-year-old who does more “sticker-collecting” than “French kissing” characterizes her as an awkward teenager, who isn’t usually included with the popular crowd (23). She only feels “okay about her stomach” if she “skips dinner” (24). She wishes she was a girl who boys would consider “hot,” feeling that “nothing in the world could possibly be more important” (24). Through these confessions, Taddeo establishes Lina’s insecurity, bordering on self-loathing, as well as her belief that being desirable and loved by a man is what she wants “more than anything else” (23). Lina’s obsession with Aidan is foreshadowed in this opening chapter via her desperate need to be loved and validated.

Lina defines herself in opposition to the kinds of girls who Aidan usually goes for: “hot girls” with “blow-job lips” and “big breasts” (24). As a result, Aidan’s interest in her is validating to Lina and makes her feel desirable for the first time. Lina’s “shaved legs” (which “shake” in anticipation of her date), and her blond hair which is meticulously styled to sit “perfectly” around her shoulders, indicates to the reader the extent of Lina’s anxiety and anticipation before her date with Aidan (27). Her obsessive preparation even before the day of the date, including intentionally walking by his house and memorizing his phone number, favorite bands, and jersey number, indicate that Lina is obsessed with the idea of Aidan before she knows him. She fantasizes about him being her boyfriend and imagines cuddling and making out with him while they watch movies.

The idea that Lina is in love with an idealized notion of Aidan, rather than an actual person, is clear in the fact that Lina was “in love with him right away” when she sees Aidan on their double date (27). When they kiss, Lina feels that she could “die right now, that if she did her life would be complete” (29). Taddeo explores the effect of the male gaze on the insecure Lina. Through their encounters, “the very entirety of her being was validated” (32). Her feelings of inadequacy are built upon a hypothetical male gaze which finds her entirely lacking. Aidan challenges her negative self-image when he says that he thinks she’s cute and kisses her, but then her sense of self and her own desirability becomes entirely reliant on Aidan’s attraction to and opinion of her (27).

As well as making Lina feel desirable for the first time, Aidan is the antithesis to Lina’s regular life, which she finds intolerably dull, with her mother who is “always in her face,” the monotonous smell of meat loaf, and “Fridays that feel like Tuesdays” (26-27). Lina’s home is represented as all that is dull, monotonous, and hateful, whereas Aidan comes to represent all that is exciting and joyful. Aidan’s interest in Lina signifies her entry into a life of love and desire.

Lina’s insecurity is foregrounded again in the description of her rape at a high school party. Taddeo does not condemn Lina’s actions, making it clear that the boys who assaulted her are at fault. However, Lina’s desire for male approval is also made clear. Lina “didn’t want to say no to anyone” as she “wanted them to like” her (34). Taddeo invites the reader to pity Lina’s crippling insecurity and need for validation, which contributed to her being exploited, assaulted, and made the subject of malicious rumors. Taddeo encourages the reader to examine the contradictory forces which encourage women to please men but then condemn them, in harsh and hateful language, for doing so (34).

Sloane

Maggie and Lina’s stories of obsession and desire begin in their insecure teenage years. On the other hand, Sloane is characterized by her confidence and suaveness. Her story begins in her twenties, when Sloane was involved in exploratory on/off relationships with men and women and dates with wealthy, attractive, and well-connected people. Taddeo suggests through the character of Sloane that the destabilizing and irresistible pull of sexual desire (and the devastation it often brings) is a universal female experience, irrespective of class, age, sexual experience, or character.

Sloane is characterized as self-contained, confident, and charismatic. “Like all girls with rich, cool daddies,” she is “subversive,” dropping out of her expensive university to work in restaurants, because she is attracted to the alluring spaces, and the requisite cool efficiency which the work requires (44). The reader learns that, as a young woman in her twenties, she was beautiful, rich, and desirable. She “always did the perfect amount of every drug” (38). This detail epitomizes Sloane’s social savviness. Furthermore, the outfit that she wears to her date with Keith: “an olive turtleneck, velvety cigarette pants, and a pair of boots” characterizes her as stylish and suave (38). Sloane is unsurprised when she and Keith are seated at a banquette in an alcove usually used to seat six, as she is “used to being a special guest” (38). This detail alludes to Sloane’s privilege and power.

Sloane’s passion for restaurants is made clear in this introductory chapter, and her and Richard’s relationship is partly propelled by their shared dream of creating and owning a prestigious and successful restaurant. Sloane is attracted to Richard in a large part because “there is no better chef than Richard” (49). Foreshadowing is clear in Sloane’s follow up observation that “she wasn’t quite sure there was no better partner, but she was willing to find out” (49). The implication is that while Richard could be the best chef for Sloane’s dream restaurant, he may not prove to be the best partner to guarantee peace and happiness in her personal life.

Sloane, Richard, and Karin’s sexual encounter establishes a trend of Sloane acquiescing to sexual experiences to please Richard, rather than being motivated by her own desire. Sloane was initially an enthusiastic participant in the encounter, but her hesitation becomes clear to Richard, who stops having sex with Karin to check on his wife. Sloane had fantasized about Richard with other women, but when it is happening in front of her, it feels “terrifically wrong” for Sloane (55). Tellingly, they resume the threesome despite Sloane’s discomfort. Sloane knows it is what Richard wants, but her discomfort and regret is clear as she reflects that she could not “imagine a time machine convincing enough to take them back from this” (56).

Sloane feels that she must school herself carefully to manage her extreme jealousy and discomfort. She turns herself in knows to satisfy Richard’s desire via a carefully designed list of prerequisites to “deal with watching your husband with another woman” including being “buzzed” but not “too drunk” (to avoid the jealousy becoming “irrational” and overwhelming) (49). Sloane’s own desire is suppressed to accommodate Richard’s. Taddeo is interested in the way that women become subjugated, losing their power and control, in the wake of overwhelming desire and love for another. Sloane and Richard’s sexual dynamic, where Sloane’s pain is suppressed to allow Richard’s empowerment, embodies the persistent theme of female subjugation.