What If It's Us

Ben Hugo Alejo, a 16-year-old Puerto Rican, is one of the story’s two protagonists. At the novel’s start, his breakup with his ex, Hudson, is fresh. He is forced to attend summer school, so he doesn’t have to repeat his junior year of high school. He is ashamed at having to go, especially once he meets Arthur, and struggles to tell him about it. His decision to withhold that Hudson is also in summer school becomes the catalyst for Arthur’s decision to break up with him. By the novel’s end, Ben finds closure in his relationship with Hudson and begins to learn more about himself and who he is as an individual.

Ben’s transformation can be mapped by examining how he views his breakup with Hudson. At first, he regrets dating Hudson because not only did it not work out, but it also contributed to the destruction of his friend group. By its end, Ben recognizes that “I am who I am today because I dated Hudson” (373). This resolution is symbolized by Ben returning the box of Hudson’s belongings to his ex. It shows that he is ready to shut the door on the possibility of rekindling their relationship; instead, he wants to return to the friendship he once had with Hudson and Harriett.

Ben is always conscious of his family’s lack of wealth and resources. At first, he feels ashamed that his family can’t afford as much as Arthur’s, but he quickly remembers “that home isn’t about how big the space is but how we fill it” (259). He is proud of his family and where he comes from, and he wishes that his Puerto Rican heritage was perhaps more evident in his life, though he also recognizes that he experiences life differently than Puerto Ricans who have darker skin. He knows that it isn’t his responsibility to teach this to others, but when Arthur comments that Ben doesn’t look Puerto Rican, Ben tells him, “Not looking the part of Puerto Rican messed me up. I know I get some privilege points from looking white, but Puerto Ricans don’t come in one shade” (237). This comment illustrates that Ben’s heritage is important to him and that he is willing to advocate for himself.

Dylan is Ben’s best friend. He has a history of moving from girlfriend to girlfriend, and Ben knows that when Dylan is in a relationship, he is much less willing to hang out with Ben. This inconsistency frustrates Ben, but he doesn’t say anything about it until he feels frustrated after his breakup with Arthur. Yet, Dylan is also Ben’s biggest support system, as when he shoos Ben from the hospital to find Arthur.

Dylan’s larger-than-life personality often comes off strongly to those he meets, including Arthur and his new girlfriend, Samantha. This is most evident when he calls Samantha his “future wife” (98) in front of her, causing much stress on her end and forcing Dylan to slow down. However, Dylan’s relationship with Samantha illustrates that he seemingly has moved on from short flings. At the end of the novel, of the three couples, only Dylan and Samantha are still together.

Hudson is Ben’s ex-boyfriend. He appears in almost every chapter of the novel, whether in person or as a mention. This is mainly because Ben is not entirely over him and their relationship, though he is working toward it. Hudson too is on his own path to peace, as he first tells Ben to stay away from him when summer school begins. At its end, he asks Ben to talk, and they are able to reconcile.

Hudson symbolizes the past for both Ben and Arthur. The former isn’t entirely sure he is ready to move on, and he holds onto the box of Hudson’s belongings through the first two parts of the story. Eventually, however, he accepts the finality of their breakup, recognizing that he and Hudson can still be friends. On the other hand, Arthur sees Hudson as a symbol of the past and of experience, which is especially painful since Arthur never dated anyone before Ben. This insecurity ultimately leads Arthur to break up with Ben before hearing him out. However, Arthur later tells Ben that he supports him becoming friends with Hudson, saying, “It’s only weird if I get in your way. I know you miss your friends. What if all hope isn’t lost there? You should find out” (376). Arthur’s comment signifies that he trusts Ben when it comes to Hudson, a marked change from his assumption that Ben was cheating on him because Hudson came over to talk.

Jessie Nour Franklin is one of Arthur’s friends from Georgia. She, along with Ethan Gerson, are his best friends. He speaks to them nearly every day, often updating them on Ben and their relationship progress. Jessie is incredibly supportive of Arthur and wants to encourage him, even though this results in her keeping her relationship with Ethan from him.

The friends’ conflict with one another reaches a climax the same day that Arthur and Ben break up, contributing to Arthur’s decision to hang up when he finds out that Jessie and Ethan are together. He is deeply hurt by their decision to hide their relationship from him, but he ultimately recognizes that he can still be happy for him, and that should have been his first reaction when Jessie told him the news. Arthur’s decision to invoke a do-over for this news emphasizes that he has heard their problems with him and how he hurt their feelings and now wishes to make an explicit change.